WHAT DO I WANT?

A simple question: “What do I want?” If someone asked you that question today, how would you respond?   A four-word question that halts many smart, secure, and rational persons in their tracks.  “What Do I Want?”  It is a rich question overflowing with possibilities.  Challenge yourself for one week to continually ask—What do I want in this moment?  What do I want today?  What do I want next week?  What do I want in one year, three years, and ten years?  Consider writing your thoughts down in a journal, then at the end of a week review your reflections.  A guiding force within you may emerge to remind you of your profoundness and potential—your deepest desires and wisest self.

The simplest question held with curiosity may provide the guidance you are seeking—What do I want?  Our lives are consumed by demanding schedules, technology obsessions, unhealthy addictions, and disengaged human connections.  It has been noted that we spend more time planning a two-week vacation, than we do planning our lives.  How sad that we give so little time to ourselves.  The reality is most of us never take a two-week vacation and even if we are gone for a week we anxiously fret about what we left behind ending up missing the present moment experience.  We are held hostage by our busy lives and there is no foreseeable ransom to free us.  We partner with our invisible internal thieves raiding our unique treasures while silently witnessing our lives dissolve into hopeful wishes.  What do I want?  Keep posing this question and hopefully you will discover what you truly desire.

Question:  What do I Want?

GENEROSITY HAS BENEFITS 

A few years ago, I taught a two-day seminar and at the end of day one, I asked if I could prepare anything for the second day session.   Quickly a person quipped that he wanted donuts.  Everyone laughed and chimed in that donuts would be great.  The next day I brought in a large box of donuts.  The participant who flippantly requested the donuts sheepishly said, “I didn’t really mean for you to bring donuts.”  My response was that whenever possible, I attempt to fulfill requests.  When someone asks for what they want and we can respond in a positive way, the impact could be enormous.   I could tell his head was swirling with this new idea.  After thinking it over, he realized that by satisfying simple requests he would feel good about his generosity and potentially enhance relationships.

I share this story because I have experienced and observed people withholding affection, affirmation, recognition, or appreciation out of their own scarcity beliefs.  They are fearful that if they give too much, then more will be asked of them or people will get an inflated sense of entitlement.  I have rarely found that when you sincerely share something positive or give a small token of appreciation that people expect more.  Usually, people are so hungry for acknowledgment that their gratitude for the generosity exceeds any negative consequences.  When opportunities arise where you can give something to others when they ask, do so.  Acts of kindness penetrate our heart and are remembered for a lifetime.  Think about when you have received an unexpected gift or compliment and how you hold that memory.

Question:  What simple wishes can I fulfill to make others happy?

MAKE A DIRECT REQUEST

When was the last time you made a specific and direct request for what you wanted?  Many people want others to read their minds and have the “if you loved me, I wouldn’t have to ask” mentality.   Really—others should know what we want?  Most of the time we do not even know what we want ourselves so why put that burden on someone else, especially someone we love.  Beyond wanting others to automatically know what we want; we are fearful to make a direct request because we anticipate rejection, or we tell ourselves we are asking for too much.  Many heartfelt desires are unanswered because they are silenced before taking flight from our lips.  Ask for what you want!   Give others the opportunity to say “yes” by making a direct request.

I attended a workshop where prepackaged meal plans could be purchased prior to the week-long program.  I decided not to take the food plan option as I wanted to explore the local area.  On the first day, everyone had lunch at the restaurant where the meals for the week were going to be served.  While waiting in line, the person next to me voiced her regret for purchasing the prepaid meal plan.  I casually mentioned that she could ask to get out of the prearranged agreement and ask for a reimbursement.  Her automatic response was, “I can’t do that”.  My immediate reaction was “why not?” As she pondered her predicament, I simply restated — “ask for what you want”.   When we reached the hostess, she gained the courage to request a meal package refund.  Without hesitating the hostess informed her it was not a problem.  She received what she wanted by simply asking.  She could have spent the entire week regretting her earlier decision, however, she empowered herself by directly and specifically asking for what she wanted.

Question:  What direct requests do you need to make?

NOT ASKING FOR WHAT YOU WANT MAY GENERATE REGRETS

Regret—this word stirs something deep within each of us.  No one is void of regrets.  The natural consequence of making choices results in lost alternative opportunities.  We cannot predict the future when we make a choice.  It is important to assume that with the knowledge and experience we had at the time of the decision; we did our best.  If we have hurt someone or did not make amends and continue to hold excessive guilt, we linger in a haze of “what ifs” trapped by our fruitless over thinking.  Pointlessly blaming ourselves and others for unchangeable actions wastes valuable time and energy that could be spent on productive and beneficial activities.

It has been said that on our death beds we never say, “I wished I had worked more.”  People who are nearing the end of their lives frequently communicate that they wished they had loved more deeply, forgiven more quickly, followed their dreams, worried less, had more confidence, or spent additional quality time in their relationships.  It is not wise to focus on the negative and feel excessive remorse over regrets.  It is wise to pause and consider how we are spending our time now, so we minimize future misgivings.  The theme of “asking for what you want” serves as a reminder to be mindful about what we desire in life.  Generosity of thought towards ourselves and others may be one pathway to achieving what we want.   Ultimately trusting our instincts when making decisions yields future satisfaction and happiness.  Let old regrets fade away by honoring past choices and trusting future decisions.

Question:  What regrets do you need to let go to create your BEST future?