YOU ARE UNIQUE

The dictionary defines Idiosyncrasy as a “characteristic, habit, mannerism that is peculiar to an individual”.  Who does not have personality peculiarities, oddities, or quirks?  Learning how to love every aspect of our individual extraordinariness is a quest worth pursuing so we may discover our most valued self.  Many people spend more time wondering what others think about them versus contemplating what they believe about themselves.  Think about it—we make assumptions about how others judge us without any direct evidence or knowledge of what is really going on in their minds.  I guarantee you; they are thinking about themselves—not you!  The reality is that we are judging ourselves and attributing our internal beliefs onto others.  Sounds a little mixed up; doesn’t it?  Let me repeat:  1) We make assumptions about how others are judging us (usually negatively), 2) We have no evidence of others’ thoughts, 3) We hold ourselves to unrealistic standards based on our faulty guesses, and 4) We take actions to modify ourselves based on imagined expectations.  Is this rational?  No!

You are UNIQUE, BEAUTIFUL, and IMPERFECT in every moment.  Celebrating our imperfect perfection acknowledges our individuality.  We hide our true selves when we choose to focus on the negative.  At the core of every human being is goodness.  We can all make a case for extreme wicked behavior, but that is not what I am talking about.  I am speaking about how most of us work hard to improve our lives.  Fundamentally we are decent and good.  When we observe newborns, we contemplate their potential and innocence.  No matter our age, we still hold that childlike spark of forgotten potential within us–our true self.  Our “true self” is every aspect of us— honorable and blemished. We cannot escape our failings or limitations, but we can become better stewards of our wholeness.  We can begin by accepting everything about ourselves.  This self-acceptance acknowledges our complete imperfect self and provides opportunities to build on our strengths.  Our self-improvement begins with loving our idiosyncrasies.

Question:  What are your idiosyncrasies?  How can you begin to love them?

TREASURES ARE WITHIN

Within you dwells inherent hidden treasures.  You are a walking gold mine of unearthed rare traits, qualities, and abilities.  Think of life as a treasure hunt with the purpose of discovering your greatest self.   Treasure hunters search the unknown for sacred artifacts that will enrich their lives.  We can also pursue our hidden treasures by focusing on our innate gifts and talents.  We enhance our lives when we seek the inner gems of our true selves.  Practice starting each day as a treasure hunt for discovering your goodness and what you do well. If you have the intention to find your inner value, you will discover profound opportunities to live more peacefully.   Squandering our precious resources by fretting over trivial mistakes, missteps, or innocent misunderstandings serves no one.

Today you can start a treasure hunt to claim your best self.  I am not discussing narcissistic, selfish behaviors that are self-serving and negatively impact others.  I am speaking about how your life is expanded when you focus on what is right with you.  Purposefully excavate your unique jewels—your natural traits that make you one of a kind.  There is no one else in the world, present or past, that is distinctively YOU.  YOU are an original—rare and precious.  Develop your inner “I”.  The “I” that is confident and self-assured.  Your natural gifts are personal qualities and skills that you perform effortlessly.  We erroneously believe that if something is easy for us, then everyone can do it.  Not true.  Your talents and strengths are exclusively yours.  Some people love to work with numbers, others with art.  Is it fair to compare yourself with someone else’s interest or talents? NO!  You are unrivaled.  Discover your true self and boldly face each day by honoring YOUR essence.  Let your unique treasures shine and guide you to a happier and more self-assured life–your true self.

Question:  What are the treasures within me?  What comes easily to me?  What are my strengths?

SELF-CRITICALNESS HOLDS YOU BACK 

In our current cultural environment, civility and respect for fellow humans are fading into the background while faultfinding and bullying emerges as acceptable interfacing.  Our focus on having the “right” image coupled with social shaming has given rise to more perfectionistic tendencies.  The impact is that we become self-critical, which leads to such behaviors as defensiveness, exaggerated fears, over controlling, worry, apprehension, reduced risk taking, manipulating outcomes, anxiety, inaccurately predicting the future, and catastrophizing.  Obviously, the negative impact of being overly disapproving keeps us in a constant state of heighten tension.  Finding inner peace feels impossible when we are blinded by our perceived weaknesses–when we do not love our idiosyncrasies.  We stomp on our greatness, forgetting the bounty of our true nature.  We can face our inner critics holding us back, then choose to realistically identify our positive selves.

In my coaching practice, I ask clients to complete a Self-Limiting Behaviors questionnaire for our initial session.  Over the past 20 years one limiting behavior frequently emerges in the top five selected choices.  It is “critically judges’ self and others”.  I am always curious when extraordinarily successful leaders and well-intentioned parents internally criticize themselves then project that negative verdict on to others.  Their unrealistic standards inevitably restrain creativity and parade perfection as the ideal.  Do we really believe that when people are fearful of making a mistake they perform better?  In the name of “improvement” we feel obligated to inform others of their limitations.  What if we acknowledged and encouraged affirmative characteristics that reinforced strengths followed by supportive feedback?  We diminish the joy in our lives pretending we are perfect or comparing ourselves to others, which only elevates our false sense of worth.  We are ALL valuable.  Honoring our potential links our happiness with who we are and not with what we do or how we appear on the outside.

Question:  What are you going to STOP criticizing?

LET YOUR LIFE SPEAK

“Let Your Life Speak” is an old Quaker saying.  When reflecting on these four simple words, we are asked to acknowledge how we are living our lives.  If you stopped in this moment and wrote down ten ways that “your life speaks”, what would be revealed?  What would this inventory divulge that made you happy or sad?  What descriptors emerge that define your life:   happiness, serenity, charity, goodness, lovingness, integrity, values, disappointment, fears, or longing?  If a stranger peeked at your list, what would be discovered?  Would a stranger want a better life for you or would your life be coveted?  How you value your life’s gifts is expressed in each thought, action, and intention.  Letting your life speak begins with reflection, wrapped with intention, followed by action.  Let your caring inner voice whisper to you, “live your best life, live your best life.”  Each day provides the opportunity to respectfully begin your heart’s journey.

The idea of loving your idiosyncrasies is a reminder to love your whole self.  Awareness of how you are living changes your future focus.  Are you living a wonderful adventure acknowledging there will be bumps, twists, turns, and regretted decisions, or are you cautiously driving down the road with your brakes on?   No roadblocks, unexpected diversions, or surprises of fate need detour the purposefulness and gratification of your life.  Being stuck in the past, wishing you were different, or avoiding disappointment only keeps you from fearlessly living your magnificence.  Let your life speak of your greatness, your potential, your generosity.  You will laugh at your idiosyncrasies and claim them with authority when you realize they make you exceptional, singular, and unequaled.  Respect the gift of you!  Let your life speak and embrace your idiosyncrasies.

Question:  How does your life speak?  What do you want your life to speak?